Individual Work When Your Partner Won’t Do Couples Counseling: How You Can Still Benefit

If your partner doesn't want to join you for Couples Counseling, is it still Couples Counseling? 

Yes. I call it Couples Counseling for One! 

I often find myself doing Couples Counseling with only one partner because the other partner doesn’t want to attend. Some of the ‘no show’ partner’s reasons are:

• “You’re the one with the problem so fix yourself and we’ll be fine”

• “I don’t want anyone to know our personal business

• “We’ve already tried couples counseling and it doesn’t work

• “We should be able to figure this out ourselves” 

• “I don’t believe in counseling”

• “We’re doing fine. There’s nothing wrong.”

  
  

Any of these sound familiar? 

I understand it’s not always easy to make choices different than your partner’s. However, when you decide that you deserve to be happy, everything changes. When you set your intention to learn  to value yourself more and you start setting loving boundaries, everything changes. You not only feel more fulfilled and peaceful, you also give your partner the opportunity to make different choices. 

Your partner may stop trying to control you with anger, criticism,  the silent treatment or by blaming you when he realizes you’re not going to allow yourself to be around any unloving behavior from anyone.  That includes your partner. You may also find that once your partner sees your joyful and confidence, he may want to feel that way too. When this happens, both of you can start reconnecting by sharing daily appreciations.

Remember: what is truly loving to yourself is always truly loving to your partner. This is true even if your partner doesn’t agree, approve or like how you’re taking care of yourself. If your partner refuses to do couples therapy, you can work on yourself and create the opportunity to improve your relationship if your partner chooses to also focus on his/her personal growth.