How to Value Yourself in a Relationship: Maintain Self-Worth and Avoid Losing Yourself

I work with many couples who struggle to find the balance between nurturing the ‘we’ and keeping the ‘I’ in partnership. One comment I hear over and over again goes something like this: “I feel like I’m putting my partner second when I take care of myself.” That may sound familiar, but it’s a false belief. It’s loving to do what’s best for you, but it’s also loving to your partner, even if he or she doesn’t agree! 

So how do you learn to value yourself in relationships and still show up for your partner? The answer lies in knowing what’s in your highest good and taking the corresponding action. Try something from this list the next time you feel like you’re about to abandon yourself: 

1. Write down seven things you love about yourself (Try doing this every day!)

2. Every morning, ask yourself what would be fun to do today.  And then do it! 

3. Identify one thing you’re grateful for and then tell someone about it.

4. Perform one act of kindness and acknowledge you have a good heart.    

   
   

Doing these simple acts of self-love will create a strong ‘I.’ With a strong ‘I’ you’ll be much more able to share your love instead of losing yourself to your partner. Instead of losing yourself in love, you'll be maintaining your self-worth in relationships. You'll feel higher self-respect with your partner, set loving boundaries in relationships and develop healthier relationship habits. And when you're valuing and appreciating yourself, you'll find that it's natural to also value and appreciate your partner.

As Kahlil Gibran said in The Prophet, “Let there be spaces in your togetherness, and let the winds of the heavens dance between you. The oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”