Michael Barmak, LCSW

One common characteristic couples seem to have is focusing on a frustration from their past.  It could be when they first met each other or it could be as recent as the ride over to see me.  I do believe it can be very helpful to explore these situations so that both partners can take personal responsibility for their role and then decide if they want to change their behavior.  At the same time I find it also very helpful for couples to turn past frustrations into present desires.  So instead of saying, "You never call me when you are going to be late for dinner" say "From this moment on, I would like you to call me when you are going to be late for dinner."  This changes a negative statement into a positive one.  Instead of blaming and judging your partner's past behavior you're offering your partner the opportunity to build your relationship.  Now if your partner repeats the same behavior in the future then it will probably be helpful to explore your dynamic because one or both of you is having difficulty letting go of an unhealthy behavior and moving on.  If you fully communicate why your desire is so important to you you may find that your partner will finally get you and make a different choice.  From this moment on make the decision to believe in your partner's ability to change.  From this moment on start focusing on the positive.

Hang out here at the Couples Corner and you'll learn how to become a better partner in your relationship.  You might learn how to communicate better, gain insight into one of your or your partner's behaviors or learn how to connect more deeply with your partner.  If you're not presently in a healthy relationship and would like to be in one, you may find out some of the good reasons why you're not ready for or attracting a healthy partner.  Hope to see you around at the Couples Corner!